


days of lavender

by TheYuriUnnie



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: (kind of), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Celebrity Crush, F/F, Femslash, Idol Jinsoul, Idol Sooyoung, Lesbians, Might be rated E later, Pining, Reunions, Romance, Slow Burn, Student Jiwoo, Will add more tags as they become relevant to avoid spoilers hehe, chuuves - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21784831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYuriUnnie/pseuds/TheYuriUnnie
Summary: Kim Jiwoo has been in love with Ha Sooyoung since high school... but they fell out of touch and haven't spoken since then. During those four short years, Sooyoung has gone on to become the superstar idol Yves, while Jiwoo is a run of the mill university student who never got over her first love.When Jiwoo suddenly finds herself in the midst of a miraculously lucky opportunity, her chance to be reunited with Sooyoung finally makes itself known; but will that luck carry over to a relationship blossoming with Sooyoung herself, or will her shot at love slip through her fingers once again?[This fic is currently ON HIATUS]
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 15
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HI EVERYONE!! i'm SUPER hype to finally post this omg! i've been working away at planning it for quite awhile now, so i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i love writing it! this is gonna be a multi-chapter thing, i don't know HOW many chapters yet but i can guarantee it will be full of gay drama and conflama. this is also going to be a bit of a slow burn, so i hope you'll stick around for the ride with me!
> 
> BTW everyone's the same age to keep things simple for my tiny lizard brain. anyway i really hope you like it, enjoy!!

My name is Kim Jiwoo. I’m nineteen years old, and I’m currently studying photography at Yyxy University of the Arts.

School life is pretty nice, for the most part. I don’t like waking up early for lectures, and there’s not much I hate more than having to run across campus on rainy days… but taking photos is my passion, the people are cool, and I’m actually on friendly terms with my roommate, which is more than a lot of folks can say for their uni experience.

Really, I’ve got nothing to complain about. If anything, I guess the day to day can be a little boring sometimes, but I’ve never been one to let that kind of thing get me down. Even in the middle of monotony, there are always little moments that could one day become precious memories… or so they say.

Today; for me, at least; was the furthest from boring things had been for quite some time.

It was a crisp Sunday morning, and I had rolled out of bed at an ungodly time to head somewhere special: Blockberry Books and Entertainment.

Blockberry Books was my favourite place to be. I’d always liked going there for the relaxed atmosphere; the comforting smell of books that hung in the air, the colourful yet stylish décor…but most of all, I loved going for the sheer fact that no matter how hard to find something was, or just how obscure, they always had what I was looking for. Though it was primarily a new and used book shop, they also sold DVDs, music albums, and all sorts of strange things in general. It was nothing short of a treat to visit it.

Excitedly, I pushed the door open, and the familiar tiny bell hanging off the top of it chimed chipperly as I took a step inside.

“Welcoooome,” A disinterested voice called from inside the store. I offered the bored looking clerk an equally absent-minded small bow of greeting, and made a bee-line for the section where they sold merchandise relating to idols; specifically, the rack lined with albums.

There were dozens and dozens of them. The selection never failed to amaze me. My eyes glimmered as I looked in awe; all of the reprints of albums by iconic idols from the nineties to the hottest up and coming singers of today trying to make a name for themselves…it bordered on mind-boggling.

“Wow…” I mumbled to myself.

My overly excitable glance darted to and from the different CDs. All of the different shapes, sizes, and eye-catching colours the cases came in, all trying to make a lasting impression on people who happened to be wandering past them. But these aren’t what I came here for today.

I could practically feel the sparkles shimmering in my eyes when they finally settled on their target.

The long, book-sized album holder had a minimalistic cover; it was snow white, with black font on the front that simply read “Yves” in English. In stark contrast, the slipcover at the bottom of the album was a retina burning shade of red, with an eye catching yellow font on it:

_“NEW! Limited JUMBO-SIZED Edition of Yves’ FIRST ALBUM + PHOTOBOOK! DON’T MISS OUT!”_

Needless to say, I grabbed it hastily; it was the last one!

“Ah…! Finally!”

I held it in my hands like it was a precious gem, and trotted over to the cashier’s desk, grinning like the cat who got the cream. It may have just been my imagination, but I could have sworn there were one or two people I walked past that eyed up what I held with jealousy. This was a hot ticket item, after all.

I placed the album and my money on the counter with a satisfying clink, and tried to restrain the beaming smile of satisfaction written all over my face.

“I’d like to buy this, please.”

“Sure, okaaay.”

The typically bored looking cashier glanced down at the album, and made a noise of contemplation as she punched a few buttons on the cash register. I watched as she raised her eyebrows.

“Damn,” she began, “you must really love her.”

I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I’d never heard the disinterested clerk say more than two words before, so it was a bit of a shock to actually hear that there was a person beneath the husk that stood here serving me.

“S-sorry?”

The clerk tapped the CD’s front cover with her finger gently.

“This Yves chick. She’s a singer, right? You’re always buying stuff to do with her,” she stated bluntly. “All the magazines with her on the front, mini albums and stuff like that…you must be a real super fan, huh? That’s cute.”

Oh, _god_.

I felt the hot wash of a blush make its way from the pit of my stomach all the way up to my face. To be clocked by a total stranger like that was terribly, terribly embarrassing. I inhaled sharply through my nose, trying to calm the sudden dizzying feeling of hearing someone saying I loved Yves so out of the blue.

I cleared my throat as though it hadn’t just set off a storm of emotions inside me, and offered a nervous smile to the clerk.

“Aha! Well, um…I went to high school with her, actually… so I want to show my support to an old friend. That’s all.”

I clutched the album close to my chest when the clerk handed it back to me.

There were some half-truths in there, at least. I was close with Yves when she was only known as Sooyoung, and of course I wanted to support her with all that I had… but calling her an old friend was certainly watering down my feelings on the matter, to say the least. I couldn’t help but smirk.

The clerk’s monotone voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Ohh? That so?” She began, and it was the first time I’d heard her vaguely interested in anything. “Well, was she a nice girl?”

“Yes!” I answered; probably a bit too eagerly; and started leaning forward with my hands on the counter. The clerk raised her eyebrows again as I recoiled.

“Um… _yes_ , she was very kind. The cool way she acts in interviews and on stage… that really is who she’s always been.”

My heart fluttered mercilessly in my chest; threatening to burst clean out of it. I scolded myself. Calm down now, Jiwoo. You’re going to look like some kind of crazy stan, when it’s so much more than that!

She’s so much more than just an idol to you…

“That’s cool,” the clerk replied; her quick fever of interest now fully extinguished. “I like that song she’s got on the radio right now. I forget what it’s called, though.”

There was something so surreal about hearing someone talk so casually about Sooyoung.

I wanted to rattle off all of the things that made her such a remarkable person, about how endlessly talented and stunning she was, and how desperately I wanted to talk to her again…

But, stood here at the counter, all I found I could do was smile and nod.

“You should totally give this album a stream,” I encouraged. “It’s sure to be good!”

“Haha, I bet…” the clerk said, “we’ve sold a few dozen of those today. You have a good day, now. Come again.”

“Thank you! You, too!”

“Sure.”

With a gratitude shown to the clerk and a fluttering heart over my dear Sooyoung, I dashed out of the store; clinging to my purchase for dear life.

The snappy air of a winter afternoon brushed past my hot cheeks as I re-emerged into the outside world; evaporating the warmth of the bookstore in an instant. I exhaled with relief over my purchase and watched my breath dissipate around me; taking the sudden welling of old feelings with it.

My teeth chattered with the cold, but even moreso with anticipation. I didn’t want to wait to tear this thing open. I wanted to pore over every single page of the photobook, and above all else, get utterly lost in the songs she had written… but such things are best enjoyed in the comfort of your own room.

Luckily for me, Blockberry Books was just a stone’s throw away from the dorms I stayed at, so I wouldn’t have to wait long to lose myself to Sooyoung all over again. I tightened my woolly red scarf, buttoned up my winter coat, and started on my way back. The heels of my boots clicked against the pavement in time with my thrumming heart. I weaved my way around the crowds of people, and their faces blurred together as I hurried along as quickly as I could.

I wanted to listen to it.

I wanted to listen to it.

_I wanted to listen to it!_

I saw people on Orbitter this morning saying that they couldn’t find this album anywhere, let alone the special edition with the jumbo photobook included. I was honestly worried I wouldn’t get my hands on it; I missed out on the online pre-order, as most people did, and I lost out on a lot of sleep thinking about where I would have to go hunting for it if Blockberry didn’t have it.

Suddenly slowing my mad dash, I noticed an opportunity for a pretty photo; there were two magpies perched on the branch of a tree I was about to walk past, cuddling up close and chirping merrily to one another.

Even though I wanted to rush home more than anything, I forced myself to slow to a stop. I liked keeping a backlog of photos on the off chance I needed one for a school project, and I never left home without at least one of my cameras. Quietly fishing my camera out of my bag, I made doubly sure there was a roll of film inside the chamber it slotted into. While we weren’t _forced_ to use analogue film for all of our classes, I loved the process behind developing pictures the old-fashioned way, so it was my preference when it came to snapping shots.

Taking an aesthetically pleasing photo of an animal was tricky, at best. The little things had minds of their own, and would fidget – or worse yet, run off – before you had a chance to take the photo you wanted to.

Luckily for me, these birds seemed to be more than willing to model for me, cozying up to each other and refusing to move.

“Young love, huh?”

As quick as I could, I adjusted the focus on the lens of my trustiest camera, and hit the button. It sunk beneath my fingertip with a pleasing click, and the sound of the shutter clicked loudly as it recovered from the work it had to do.

The birds were kind enough to sit still for one more photo, before being unable to tolerate the loudness of my clunky old camera any longer, and flying off somewhere more peaceful.

Feeling satisfied, I carefully slipped my camera back into its carrying case in my bag, and continued on my way back to my place. Walking while thinking about Sooyoung was always a good way to pass the time, and before I knew it, I was standing outside of my dorm room’s front door.

I unlocked it as quickly as my fingers would allow, and peered around the corner, into the room itself. It didn’t look like Jungeun – my roommate – was home, so I had the place to myself. Lucky!

I kicked off my boots, nearly tripping over one of them in my excitement, and threw off my winter clothes; letting them land wherever they felt like.

I wasted no time in dive-bombing onto my bed, clutching the album close to my chest as I caught my breath.

Now that I was alone in the comfort of my own room, I decided it was safe to let my true feelings manifest themselves however they pleased.

My heart felt fit to burst when I so much as thought about Sooyoung, even all of these years later.

Believe it or not, what I had told the clerk was true; Sooyoung and I really had gone to the same high school. Even back then, my heart belonged to her. Just her. The way she laughed and smiled, the way she excelled at everything and anything she set her mind to, the way she never let anything get in her way, god, even the way she walked… I could barely function when I was around her, and my heart longed for her to call me her very own.

I’m sure I wasn’t alone in feeling that way, as Sooyoung was quite the charmer, even if she wasn’t aware of it.

I never told her any of that, of course, but we were still super close friends for all of our time in high school together. She was always so kind and caring to me back then, so when she moved away from our small town to the big city to focus on becoming a trainee, it was a real blow to my happiness.

…I always felt selfish about that. I still do.

We started talking less and less. I mean, I totally understand that; training to be an idol isn’t the least bit easy. They work for sixteen hours a day a lot of the time, and given the choice between getting a good night’s sleep after a hard day of training or talking to me? Well, I’d pick sleeping, too. I wasn’t bitter or angry when the messages slowed to a stop. I was expecting it, of course, but I was still sad.

You can only imagine how much of a shock it was to see my first and only love starting to pop up on TV after not seeing her for a good few years, appearing on variety shows and music stations to promote her music under the stage name Yves. I was so overwhelmingly happy and proud of her, but at the same time, my heart could hardly take seeing her face again after such a long time of being left to want.

I let my eyes wander along the wall next to my bed. It was covered in posters and gutted photobooks of Sooyoung – of Yves. No matter where I looked, her gorgeous eyes stared back at me, with varying looks of happiness, seriousness and intensity.

It’s a terribly strange feeling, being so invested in someone you used to know on a personal level. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a creep, keeping such a close eye on a woman I was once so personally in love with… and having her face plastered across my walls.

Deep down, in my heart of hearts, I knew how pathetic it was to pine like this. We haven’t spoken in years! But in my defence, I did make peace with the fact that I’ll never get to talk to her again a long time ago.

I don’t ever expect to ever see her again.

Really, it’s just not realistic with how absolutely massive she’s becoming in the world of music.

I’m content with just supporting her from afar…

I let out a wistful sigh.

I don’t know why I let myself indulge in my own silly heartaches, but what better way to bandage the cracks in my heart than with this highly sought-after limited edition release of the hottest album of the year?

I rolled onto my front, and propped the book up against my fluffy pillow. I gingerly peeled the plastic wrapping off of it, and I could feel my heart quickening its pace as I did so.

Opening it almost felt like a religious experience. The material the case was made of was pleasing to the touch; a soft, rubber-like coating, with “Yves” carefully embossed in the middle of it. I ran my fingertips along her name, careful not to sully the surface of such a treasure with my fingerprints.

“Beautiful…” I mumbled to myself in awe.

I opened the book-shaped holding case; taking extra care not to crack the spine of it. On the left-hand side there was the highly publicized jumbo-sized photobook. The right side held the ornate CD itself, and the disc had a design that matched the cover of the case; the minimalist snow white with the black font. Much like Sooyoung, it was immaculately beautiful. I could hardly stand it for too long.

I took out the photobook from its safekeeping and, taking a moment to prepare my heart for what I was about to look at, opened it up. I could go on and on about the impressive engineering behind taking a good photo or whatever, and how the ones they used for photobooks were of a very high calibre, but I was here for a very specific reason, and it had nothing to do with the artistic integrity of the photographers behind it.

No, no. I was here for _Sooyoung_.

The decorative photo printed on the inner cover was of Sooyoung under neon pink lighting. Her hair was strewn about her face, making her look tussled, and she had a look of intensity in her eyes as she looked directly at the viewer.

Needless to say, the air left my lungs as soon as I saw it.

“…Hey, Jiwoo! I’m talking to you! Did you get it?”

So lost was I in staring at pictures of Sooyoung, I completely failed to notice the bathroom door opening and my roommate, Kim Jungeun, standing next to my bed.

I was so surprised and embarrassed that I had to stop myself from throwing the book across the room as if I had been caught looking at something dirty.

“O-oh, Jungeun!” I flustered. “You startled me!”

Jungeun laughed at my reaction and sat on the edge of the bed as I pulled myself up off of it. Jungeun’s infectious laugh made me smile; it often did. She tucked a strand of her long hair behind her ear, and shrugged her shoulders with a mischievous grin on her face.

“Hey, I called out and didn’t get a reply, so don’t blame me!”

“Sorry,” I apologized, smiling sheepishly at her. I held the photobook up excitedly, grinning from behind it, “but I did get it! Look, look! It was the last one they had!”

“That’s great! You’re gonna be the envy of a lot of people today, Jiwoo!”

Kim Jungeun had been my roommate since we started uni last year. She was going to school for music studies; she was pretty serious about it, and she could play at least three instruments. She had an infectious smile and a bright personality, and she was always so kind to me; I’d say we got along really well.

I had poured my heart out to Jungeun about Sooyoung three days into the year, after I had one too many drinks at the annual student union, so she was completely in the know about my feelings on the matter of Yves. Once in a while she’ll tease me about my crush, but for the most part, she’s really caring and supportive of me. I’m lucky to be able to say I’ve got someone so nice as my roommate.

Jungeun plucked the book out of my hands without warning, and started to flip through the pages, humming in approval.

“Wha-!”

“Wow, I bet you’ll like this page. And this one, too. And oh, man, _this_ one!”

“Hey!” I huffed a second time, waving my arms about. “C’mon, give it back!”

“Ooh, but that Yves is just so _dreamy_! I think I’m falling for her, too!”

“ _Jungeuuun_!”

I clung to the hem of Jungeun’s shirt, pulling at it with a whine. She laughed heartily, and ruffled my hair as she gently placed the book next to me on the bed.

“Sorry, sorry. I just like teasing you, Jiwoo.”

“Humph! Well…I’ll forgive you if you buy me spicy rice cakes…” I said, unable to stop the pout on my face from cracking into a playful grin.

Jungeun smiled right back, and shrugged her shoulders once more, sighing over-exaggeratedly.

“Oh, _darn_. It’s not like I was getting ready to head off to the store and buy food anyways, or anything. Whatever will I do?”

“Buy me spicy rice cakes, that’s what!”

She plucked my jacket off of the floor, and ruffled my hair once more.

“Cheeky. I’m borrowing your coat.”

“Okay,” I said, settling back onto my bed properly. “You don’t have to actually buy me spicy rice cakes, by the way.”

Jungeun waved a hand as she turned toward the front door. She ever so carefully slipped on my coat; I chuckled and remarked that looked a tad too small for her, but she took her time doing it up, button by button. She handled it like it was something precious; that’s just the kind of girl she was. Always so careful and caring, despite her mischievous streak.

“Don’t worry,” she said from the front door, “I was going to get you some before you even asked. I’ll be back soon.”

“Be safe,” I called before I heard the door close.

I waited a few moments, listening to the tell-tale sound of Jungeun’s shuffling down the hall, until the sound faded away, leaving me in silence.

As much as I liked Jungeun, the timing couldn’t have been better.

I hurriedly whipped the small bedside drawer that was next to my headboard open, my fingertips feeling around inside of it. I grinned once they swept past the cold plastic I was looking for, and pulled the item in question out of its hiding place.

My trusty Walkman!

It was a dull silver, and was the kind that played CDs, not tapes. I bought the old thing from Blockberry Books for almost nothing at all. It was tucked away at the bottom of a cardboard box marked “USED.” My laptop doesn’t have a CD drive, so I needed something to listen to the Yves mini-albums I bought, and this scuffed up old thing did the trick perfectly.

I usually stream Yves’ stuff to support her even further, but to me, the first listen is special, so I do it from the physical CD. Maybe that’s strange of me, but it’s something I’ve grown accustomed to doing. There’s something therapeutic about laying in bed with my headphones on, letting the music sweep me away.

I carefully clicked the CD into place inside the Walkman, and closed its lid as softly as I was able. Slipping my headphones on and hitting the play button had never felt better.

The first few bars of the first song started, and I found myself holding my breath in anticipation, waiting for the first melodious notes of Sooyoung’s voice to begin to play. The tactile sensation of feeling the CD spin its little heart out inside the Walkman was ever so satisfying.

My grip on the player tightened when she finally began to sing.

She sounded so beautiful now, even compared to her last release. Compared to when we were younger. Her voice had gotten a little huskier since high school, but it was still unmistakably the same Sooyoung who had showered me with compliments and praise back then, belting her heart out about the feelings she held in the deepest recesses of her heart.

“Sooyoung…” I couldn’t help but whisper.

She really was indescribably beautiful.

Each song was more emotional than the last; themes of fear, loneliness and anxiety were in every song on the album, as well as poignant feelings of insecurity, and of a lost love. She sang straight from the heart, not bothering to mask the pain that danced beneath the surface of her pretty lyrics.

Such a candid retelling of her feelings made me wonder what Sooyoung had gone through since we had last spoke. Just how many girls had she been seeing, that so obviously broke her heart? How stupid do you have to be to hurt someone as remarkable as Yves; to make her suffer through such horrible things?

Maybe it was silly of me, but I found myself getting angry the more I thought about it. Legit angry! They didn’t know how lucky they had it, getting to be in Yves’ – in Sooyoung’s – presence every single day, getting to call her their lover, no matter how short of a time it may have been for.

I would kill someone to be able to so much as talk to her again, let alone have something more…

…And before I knew it, I had reached the last song on the album.

This was the big one the album was named after; “new.” It’s safe to say everyone who is a fan of Yves was looking forward to this one the most, given how hyped up it was, and I was no exception.

Those sombre themes were in this song, too, but this one sounded a bit more optimistic and pop-y than the rest of them; ending an incredible album on a burst of hope for Yves. Once the final note of the final song had finished, I pressed the stop button on my Walkman, and the disc slowed to a stop.

The album was over.

I laid in the silence of my room, holding the Walkman in a slight disbelief. Is this what people are talking about when they say that they’ve had a religious experience? That was worth the wait and then some, and I can safely say that this is all I’m going to be listening to for the next year.

But I might be a little bit biased.

A sadness began to creep its way into my heart, then. It really did hurt, listening to Sooyoung tell the world that her heart had been broken again and again…

But my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening once again. Jungeun made her reappearance, rushing her way into the room with six grocery bags hanging off of her arms.

“Jiwoo, you’re gonna flip,” she said, looking completely serious. “They were having a sale on spicy rice cakes, and I bought them all.”

“You bought them all?!”

My sadness can wait.

Jungeun had done a decent shop, not counting the mountain of spicy rice cakes she had brought home with her. Tonight’s dinner was some store-bought bibimbap, a decently sized platter of sushi, and of course, the delicious bounty of rice cakes for after the meal. She and I sat across from each other at our tiny table, and dug in.

I think I had forgotten how to feel anything other than nervousness and excitement for the last few hours, so I didn’t realise how hungry I really was until the savoury food hit my stomach. Jungeun noticed me scarfing down the shrimp sushi in a most unladylike manner, and laughed.

She was tickled pink by the way my cheeks were stuffed; not unlike a chipmunk, I’m sure.

“Everything goes out the window for you when it comes to Yves, huh?” She remarked, pointing her finger affectionately at my nose. “Even eating!”

I washed the food down with a big gulp of water.

“Quiet, you.”

We laughed to ourselves over dinner, and I thought how lucky I was to have someone like Jungeun caring for me.

Once we had finished eating, we threw away the packaging the food came in, and sat on our respective beds, thoroughly relaxing. I could feel Jungeun’s eyes on me as I sorted through the little extras that came with the album.

There was the photobook of course, but there were also things like the photocards, lyrics sheets, and small pamphlets advertising other albums from the same label and the like. This one pamphlet in particular looked like it was pushing one artist pretty heavily; Jinsoul. I didn’t know too much about her, but she was gaining in popularity on Orbitter lately. She was pretty and blonde, and had a striking jawline with a powerful gaze to match. I could definitely see why she had the intense fanbase she did.

I turned my attention back to my Yves related paraphernalia. The photocard I had gotten of her with this album was a picture of her laying on a pillow, smiling serenely at the camera. A small part of me wanted to collect them all, but that would be crazy… these things can get expensive.

Being a fan sure was a pricy hobby to have…

“Looks like you dropped something.”

Jungeun slid off of her bed, picked a slip of paper off of the floor, and handed it to me. I took the slip from her and turned it over in my hands a few times, blinking in shock.

To my surprise, it was a fansign raffle ticket.

In big, black font, the paper read that it was ticket number 1007. I had read online that a few stores in the city were going to have albums with raffle tickets in them, but I didn’t expect Blockberry Books, of all places, to be one.

Jungeun must have noticed the expression journey I was going on. She came over and sat next to me on my bed, peering over my shoulder at the paper curiously.

“What’s that? Something good?”

“It’s a fansign ticket,” I mumbled, “I just wasn’t expecting to see one, that’s all.”

Jungeun made a noise of shock, and looked at me with eyes the size of saucers.

“A what now? Does that mean you can go and meet Yves?!”

“Not exactly… it’s a random raffle. The chance is super slim, but it’s not impossible,” I explained, smiling a sad smile.

“Hey, you never know!” Jungeun said cheerily, draping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to her. “You were already pretty lucky to snag the last copy of that album, wouldn’t you say?”

“Well, that’s true…”

A lot of the time, people tended to buy upwards of a hundred albums for even the tiniest chance to meet their favourite idols. To say that the odds were stacked against me was a gross understatement, but I’d still check the results of the raffle when they were put up. It wouldn’t hurt to see.

I rested my head against Jungeun’s shoulder, sighing loudly. She placed her hand on my own.

“You never know what might happen, Jiwoo. C’mon, cheer up!”

In that moment, I could feel the faint bubbling of a naïve hope building from within me. I was setting myself up for disappointment, and I knew that, but I couldn’t stop my heart from wanting to see Sooyoung again.

“You’re right…”

“I’m always right, of course.”

I chuckled.

“You’re silly, Jungeun.”

I sat up and cautiously tucked the ticket back into the CD case, taking extra care not to crease it as Jungeun and I sat chatting; and inside, I felt that bubble of hope begin to take hold of all of my thoughts.

Meeting Yves; no…

Seeing Sooyoung again?

You never know what might happen.


	2. Chapter 2

_My mind felt as though it was treading water through a foggy haze, wading its way through the pitch black darkness._

_It was a relaxing sensation, but with an underlying sense of trepidation I just couldn’t shake._

_This felt awfully familiar…_

_A hand gently touched my shoulder. I couldn’t see who it was, but the owner of it was shaking me as gently as they possibly could._

_“Jiwoo… Jiwoo, wake up…”_

_Oh… had I been sleeping?_

_I grumbled into my arms, and reluctantly sat up._

_Glancing around the room was a bit of a shock - I found myself back in my tenth grade Science classroom. I remembered it well; the posters of the periodic table of elements and different types of matter that hung by the whiteboard hadn’t changed a bit, and the teacher’s messy scrawling on the board said something or other about a paper that was due next Wednesday._

_I’m not gonna lie; I fell asleep in that class all the time. Not only was it not my favourite subject in the world, but it was also the last class I had on Friday. Who wouldn’t get a little drowsy, knowing the weekend was so close, yet so far?_

_I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and heard a familiar laugh from behind me._

_I whipped my head around in shock, and there was Ha Sooyoung, the crush who had taken over my entire life._

_S_ _he stood with her hands clasped behind her back, and her gorgeous black locks of hair tumbling just so over her shoulders. She looked down at me with a serene smile; one that made my heart feel fit to burst when I so much as thought about it, let alone when I was lucky enough to see it for myself._

_The plain black blazer resting over the white top, the dark silk of the ribbon around her neck, and the pleated skirt that went with it… she was dressed in our high school’s winter uniform. It must have been that time of year. Sunlight hung in the room, but it wasn’t garish or unpleasant; the sun was only just beginning to set, painting everything a pleasing orange hue._

_Sooyoung looked radiant in such breathtaking light. She always looked pretty, obviously, but something about the way the sunlight made her eyes glimmer made my heart do backflips in my chest._

_We stayed perfectly still in that brief moment, staring at each other, until she finally broke the silence._

_“I knew I’d find you here,” Sooyoung said to me._

_She was talking to **me**._

_My ears began to burn with the sensation of embarrassment, and I leapt out of my seat, nervously patting the wrinkles out of my skirt. She kept a gentle eye on my every move, smiling with fondness, and a bit of amusement._

_“A-ah, Sooyoung! Did the teacher send you looking for me again? I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble…”_

_Sooyoung shook her head, and took a soft step towards me. She reached out, and rested her hands on the lapels of my uniform’s blazer. A searing hot white washed through my mind at her small motion; everything went blank, and all that was left was Sooyoung and I._

_She was touching me. Oh, god. If I died now, I would die happy._

_“Your ribbon is crooked too,” she said with a laugh. “Really not a fan of this class, are you?”_

_“Can’t say that I am,” I confessed with a smile._

_Sooyoung untied my uniform’s ribbon with slow, deliberate motions, taking her time to unwrap it ever so gently.The nervous lump in my throat grew larger the more she did it._

_“I don’t blame you. It’s not a class I look forward to, either.”_

_She finished her meticulous tying of the ribbon, but her hands lingered on it, holding it with a careful grip. She was in such close quarters that I could smell her usual choice of a pleasant, feminine lavender perfume, clear as day; close enough where, if I had wanted to, I could have easily leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers._

_I wanted to more than anything else._

_But I didn’t._

_There was no way on this earth someone like me was fit to kiss such gorgeous lips._

_“You’re so pretty, Jiwoo.”_

What?

_“Do… do you really think so?” I stammered out._

That’s your reply?!

_“I do,” Sooyoung reaffirmed, “you’re so cute I can hardly believe it.”_

_I didn’t know what to say in response; I just stood there, letting her dote on me while my body temperature continued to rise. She ran her fingers through my hair with a delicate care, tidying it up and making me look presentable once again. I wanted to scream at my younger self; say anything, do anything! Tell her how you feel, flirt right back, anything!_

_“…You’re always so kind to me, Sooyoung.”_

_“Well, that’s…”_

_Sooyoung’s words trailed off; there was an annoying beeping noise that had been steadily growing louder, and she looked around, trying to discern the source of it. I did the same, but I couldn’t see anything that would be making such an obnoxious sound in the room. The more we searched, the foggier things got, until the last wisps of Sooyoung were being evaporated out of my sight, leaving only darkness once more._

It was then that I woke up to the piercing sound of my alarm clock.

I rolled over in bed, grumbling into my blanket.

That dream again…

Believe it or not, that wasn’t just any old dream. That actually happened to me back in school, when I got to see Sooyoung every day. It was something I had recurring dreams about; I couldn’t exactly call it a painful dream, considering how much I enjoyed revisiting that moment of my life. But on the other hand, it did remind me of a much happier, carefree time of my life, when I could talk to Sooyoung any time I wanted. I had been having that particular dream even more since Yves’ album came out last week.

I turned my head just in time to see Jungeun groggily sit upright in her own bed. Her usually perfect hair was going in fourteen different directions, and her pajama top was hanging haphazardly off of one of her shoulders. She blew me a kiss, and I played along, pretending to swat it away with a laugh.

“Good morning, Jungeun. I see you slept well.”

Jungeun pulled the drooping side of her pajama top up over her shoulder, only for it to slip back down again.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said with a giggle, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little, too.

“It sure is a mystery.”

“Remember, today’s the day of those fansign results,” she said between two big yawns.

“I know,” I croaked from underneath my blanket, “I didn’t forget.”

“Didn’t think you would,” Jungeun said as she walked past my bed.

Classes came and went with little incident; the day zipped by, seeing as how my head was somewhere else entirely. While I wanted to do nothing else but sit in my room and listen to “new” on repeat, I decided I should be a responsible person and actually show my face to my professors.

I knew it was stupid to even daydream about getting into such a sought after fansign, but I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering all the same. What would I say to her? What would she say to me? Heck, what would her reaction be to seeing me again in the first place? Would she think me strange, being such a massive fan of her and bothering to buy her album, or would she be flattered by the dedication?

They say that you’re not the same person you were four years ago; that your views, your interests and the people you surround yourself with shift so radically in such a short span of time – that if yourself from the past met the current you, they wouldn’t know who they were looking at. I’d say that’s true, at least in my case. I’m certainly a different person than I was in high school. I’ve come out of my shell and gotten a lot better at talking to people, become more confident and passionate about the things I enjoy overall, and I’m happy to say that my fashion sense has only gotten better since then.

On the other hand, I don’t think I’ve changed a bit when it comes to matters of love. I’m pretty oblivious to other peoples’ more sensitive feelings, and I know I wouldn’t take any crazy risks and ask anyone out.

A lurching feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. The thought of taking such a plunge terrified me…

I was forcibly brought back to reality when the clatter of chairs scraping against the floor echoed through the lecture hall. I was so lost in thought for so long, the last class of the day had ended without me even noticing.

I looked back at the empty Word document that stared back at me.

Aw, shoot.

“And remember,” the professor called out to the students scurrying towards the door, “there’s only six weeks left in this semester. You need to have your essay and accompanying photograph handed in by then...”

I let out a sigh as I shut my laptop and shuffled it back into my bag. I’d have to borrow notes off of someone else later on, I suppose… let alone work on this assignment I couldn’t be bothered to think about. We had to take a picture, and write about the composition of it, as well as how it could be interpreted and what it meant to us. I genuinely enjoyed my major, but I always found writing about my own photos difficult. Wasn’t a picture supposed to be worth a thousand words, or something?

Well, that’s not due for ages, anyway.

With that, my weekend had officially begun. This class typically ended around 2:45, which meant there was roughly an hour left to wait until the results of the fansign would be announced. I exhaled shakily at the realisation that it was so soon; in a way, I just wanted it to be over with so I could go about my business like usual, to let this naïve thread of hope be snapped and never repaired again.

I trudged back to my dorm room, and got changed into some comfier clothes – some warm pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt is all you need. I grabbed one of the many, many, _many_ packages of spicy rice cakes we had laying around, flicked on the TV, and sat next to my bed, scrolling through Orbitter and reading up on the day’s events.

Quite a few people were posting the mountains of albums they had bought in an attempt to meet Yves, all chomping at the bit to see the results as well. One excitable fan had bought well over a hundred albums, and posted the photo to prove it.

I really didn’t stand a chance, did I?

Amidst my private grumbling over people being luckier than I was, the front door creaked opened, and Jungeun’s bag flew into the room before she did. She followed after it with a long, loud groan, and flopped face-first into her bed.

“Rough day?” I asked.

A tired grunt of confirmation from Jungeun’s blankets answered my question.

“Want some spicy rice cakes?”

Another tired grunt, followed by Jungeun crawling over to where I sat on the floor.

“Please, I need sustenance,” she wheezed.

I held the container out to Jungeun, and she popped a rice cake into her mouth with a satisfied mumble. She wearily leaned her head on my shoulder, and I looked at her from the corner of my eye.

It was as though all of her worries had melted away; she nestled against my shoulder contentedly chewing on the spicy snack, eyes closed and a smile on her face.

That’s the power of rice cakes, I suppose.

I locked my phone and threw it onto my bed. I had a feeling I knew what was up with poor Jungeun today, and decided to ask her about it.

“Was that teacher being hard on your class again?”

Jungeun visibly winced. Bullseye.

“Ugh, Jiwoo, you have no idea,” she began, talking with her hands, “I didn’t even want to take a class on the history of chord progression! I doubt anyone there did! But he acts like you’re disrespecting the very concept of music itself if you’re not jumping out of your seat with excitement when he talks about, like, the brand of ink Beethoven used to write Pop Goes the Weasel on a piece of toilet paper, or whatever!”

“Is that what he’s teaching you in that class? That Beethoven wrote Pop Goes the Weasel on a piece of toilet paper?”

“He could have, for all I know!” Jungeun wailed, clinging to my arm in despair, “I hate it, but it’s a class that’s worth so many credits… I can’t afford to drop it, even though I hate the guy.”

I rubbed Jungeun’s shoulder comfortingly, and she sunk against me with a comically big huff.

“It’ll be okay Jungeun, the term’s almost over. Then you’ll never have to think about Mr. what’s-his-name or how the cavemen invented chord progression ever again.”

I popped another spicy rice cake into her mouth for her, and chuckled at the way she was immediately pacified.

“And thank god for that,” she said, mouth full of rice cake.

We sat quietly for a little while after that, the TV at a low volume serving as the perfect background noise, with Jungeun’s head back on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, and enjoyed the stillness of the moment. A comfortable silence isn’t something to be taken for granted; you can’t have those with just anyone. Jungeun and I got on so well, though, that it felt like second nature to quietly enjoy each other’s company like this. I really was lucky to have such a good friend on my side.

The TV was tuned to the music channel; the only channel I had any interest in watching, usually. It made for good background noise, and I know it must be hard to believe, but I do like listening to music that isn’t by Yves… sometimes, anyway.

An obnoxious jingle started to play, with a big, gaudy graphic announcing that the next video was a world premiere.

Both Jungeun and I turned our attention towards the screen, our curiosity mutually piqued as the video started to play.

“Oh, I think this is Jinsoul,” I commented.

I hadn’t heard any of her music yet, but I recognized her handsome visage from the pamphlet that came with Yves’ album, as well as people regularly thirst posting about her on Orbitter. There was something about the shape of her face and her sharp features, coupled with her gorgeous long hair that was genuinely striking; you never really forgot her once you saw her. Even I was a little entranced…

The song was great for a first release, too. Her debut track was called “Singing in the Rain”, and was a catchy tune about a first love. The video had a cool aesthetic… really, nothing to complain about here. Solid stuff.

Next to me, I noticed Jungeun sitting up a little straighter. Her eyes followed Jinsoul’s every move on screen.

She made a thoughtful noise of contemplation.

“…I think I can see how people get so caught up in the world of idols.”

Oh?

Suddenly grinning like a madwoman, I reached over and poked Jungeun’s cheek with my finger. I couldn’t recall a single time Jungeun had ever shown interest in anyone at all, famous or otherwise; I had to take the opportunity to wind her up a little.

“Jungeuuuun, do you think Jinsoul is all that? Is she your type? Huh?”

The blush that raced across Jungeun’s cheeks was like wildfire. In a matter of moments, she was red all the way up to her ears. She turned away from me with a scoff, trying to maintain her sense of composure.

“I mean, anyone can see she’s super pretty, but… stop poking me!”

I couldn’t stop myself from giggling, but I stopped poking Jungeun all the same. The video finally ended, and something much less interesting started playing after it.

“Hey, Jungeun… what _is_ your type? I don’t think you’ve ever told me,” I mused.

Jungeun avoided my gaze, looking down at her hands with a thoughtful expression on her face.

“My type, huh…?”

She didn’t say anything. I could tell that she was searching hard for the right words, but in the end, said nothing at all. Finally, she looked up at me with a weak smile, and shrugged her shoulders.

“A cute girl, I guess,” Jungeun laughed. “Isn’t it almost time for your raffle thing? The moment of truth is almost here! Aren’t you excited?!”

My eyes darted to the digital clock we kept on the wall. The searingly bright red digits practically shouted the time at me; 3:42.

The results of the fansign were three minutes away…

My mouth felt so dry so suddenly.

“I’ve been trying to not get my hopes up,” I replied, forcing a smile that I hoped didn’t look _too_ pathetic.

I stood from the floor to grab the album, and carefully cracked it open. The ticket was exactly where I left it, tucked neatly away in the case of the CD. Plucking it out of its hiding place and into my hot little hands, I looked down at ambivalently.

Ticket number 1007…

The results were going to be posted on Yves’ official website. My heart really did feel like it was trying its best to burst clean out of my chest. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves, but it didn’t really help any.

Yves’ official Orbitter had posted the link to the results six seconds ago; I and thousands of other people were undoubtedly racing to be the first one to click it. The page took a minute to load on my phone, no doubt because of the sudden spike in traffic, but it finally showed us all what we wanted to see.

The page was plain, save for some neon pink lettering at the very top of the page; in big, bold letters, it read: **CELEBRATING THE RELEASE OF “NEW” WITH YVES’ FIRST EVER FANSIGN! WILL YOU BE LUCKY ENOUGH TO MEET THE ONE AND ONLY YVES? FIND OUT BELOW!**

Jungeun peered down at my phone with me, an excitable air about her, too.

“You ready to find out?” She said, beaming.

Her excitement was hyping me up; I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to find out, of course, but that excitement came with a sense of trepidation, too. The nerves were lessening by the second, though, and I just wanted to know, now more than ever.

“Yeah… _yeah_! Let’s do this!” I exclaimed, starting to scroll through the list of numbers. If 1007 was on here, I could meet Sooyoung again. Simple as that.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat as the gaps in numbers started getting larger and larger. The list went from 11 to 49, 74, and then all the way up to 103… it seemed like this was going to be quite the limited fanmeet.

“Scroll faster, Jiwoo! I wanna see, too!”

“I’m going as fast as I can!” I exclaimed.

I slowed my scrolling when we got to the 900’s. 901, 937, 955, 988, 1000, 1007, 1019…

Wait.

1007?

1007?!

I leapt up and shouted in shock. Jungeun also rose to her feet, yelping at my sudden outburst. We looked at each other in a stunned silence, and I pointed at my phone with a shaky finger.

“Jungeun… I’m not going crazy, right? This says what I think it says, doesn’t it?”

Jungeun nodded her head, her mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“You sure?”

She continued to nod her head.

There it was. Plain as day, staring back up at me from the screen of my phone, without a shadow of a doubt, was number 1007.

In my hands, I held a ticket that would let me reunite with my friend – my first love – from all those years ago, Ha Sooyoung.

I felt like I was going to faint from elation. My face was as red as a beet, I had broken out into a cold sweat, and my heart was practically trembling in my chest. I threw my arms around Jungeun, and laughed in complete and utter disbelief, fighting back the feeling of being choked up from happy tears.

“I’m- I’m going to get to see her again! I’m going to get to see Sooyoung after all this time!”

Jungeun opened her mouth to say something, but closed it with the briefest flash of confusion on her face. She opted to give me a big hug instead.

“…Yeah, you are! That’s so great, Jiwoo! I’m really happy for you!”

I squeezed Jungeun tight and jumped up and down in place, unable to stop the girlish giggle rising in my throat. Her body felt warm, too, likely from all of the excitement of the moment. After all, this was really happening!

“Oh, man! What am I going to say? How am I gonna get there? Where is it, actually?!”

My mind was running a mile a minute, with no signs of slowing down. Getting lost in the whirlwind of questions and concerns popping into my head without restraint, the only thing that pulled me out of them was Jungeun’s hand on my shoulder.

“Sounds like you’ve got a lot to sort out,” she said, pulling away from my hug. “I was going to go for a little walk anyways, so why don’t you take a minute to get all your ducks in a row?”

“That’s a good idea! What would I do without you, Jungeun?”

Jungeun pulled her own coat on with a small laugh.

“I think you’ll be okay without me,” she said with her back turned to me. “Take a breather and make a list, or something. I’ll be back soon.”

“Enjoy your walk!”

Without a word more, the front door closed with a soft click, and I was on my own to process this whole situation. I appreciated the space Jungeun was giving me – she really was thoughtful.

I sat on the edge of my bed, clutching my soft pillow between both of my arms. I rested my chin on top of it, and sighed a happy sigh.

I was completely, totally convinced that my odds of meeting Yves were as good as zero. There was no way something so fortunate could have been in the cards for someone with painfully average luck like me. Nothing spectacular ever happened to me, but nothing horrific did, either. It was smack dab in the middle of “normal.”

And yet this _was_ happening. Keeping my mind from jumping to the most ridiculous conclusions was a struggle – I didn’t want to romanticize getting to see her again. It was just going to be a meeting with an old friend, and little more than that, surely. It’s not like I expected Sooyoung to fall in love with me the moment we locked eyes again, like something out of a corny drama. At best, I was expecting us to re-exchange numbers, but even _that_ felt generous.

I grumbled into my pillow. I was raining on my own parade, and I hadn’t even talked to her yet. Come on, Jiwoo, don’t be such a wet blanket!

That’s how this kind of thing goes though, isn’t it? You can speculate about something that’s going to happen ‘til the cows come home – scrutinizing it from each conceivable angle and preparing for every single solitary outcome that was even remotely possible, and something totally unexpected could happen and make all of your overthinking totally moot.

I had been staring so much at my winning ticket, I was surprised I hadn’t burned holes into it. Turning it over in my hands again, I reached a conclusion to help slow my racing mind; I’d do my best to just go with the flow. If I talked to Sooyoung and she was super enthusiastic about being friends again, then that would be beyond amazing. If she politely pretended to remember who I was and then we never spoke again, well… I would have to lick my wounded pride for a long while, but that would be the way the cookie crumbled. It’s not as if I have an awful life without Sooyoung in it; plenty of kind people care about me, and I care about them, too.

I’d be okay.

I’d be okay…

I nodded with a quiet conviction. Fate handed me this opportunity, so I’d let fate continue to take the wheel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: they meet...! as always, thank you sososo much for reading!! [follow my gay ass on twitter](https://twitter.com/theyuriunnie) where i act a fool and gush about girl groups, let's be friends! ♥


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! hope everybody had a dandy holiday. personally, i was itchin for it to be over so i could go back to writing tbh ajbkjbg   
> so anyway... here's chuuves' first meeting!! i've been DYINGGG to get here so the gay can properly begin AND NOW WE'RE HERE! wig! i also just wanted to thank everybody for the support here... the comments and kudoses on here and AFF really mean a lot ^u^ i hope you like it ♥!

“Okay, one last check. Have you packed your phone?”

I held up my phone before slipping it back into the breast pocket of my winter coat. Jungeun nodded approvingly, folding her arms as she stood in front of me.

“Got your ID and the raffle ticket?”

“I’ve got ‘em both hidden away in my phone case,” I replied, patting the very same pocket.

“Camera?”

“You know I never leave home without one!”

“Then… it sounds to me like you’re ready to go. It sure is going to feel weird, having the room all to myself for a day,” Jungeun said shyly as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“Aww, Jungeun. Are you going to miss me? How sweet!” I reached over and pinched one of her cheeks between my gloved thumb and finger, and she pretended to scowl as she jokingly swatted my hand away.

“Of course I am! My little Jiwoo’s leaving the nest! They grow up so fast,” she said in a teasing tone, wiping away a tear that wasn’t there.

“Thanks mom,” I deadpanned.

Jungeun and I stood in the hall of our room for a moment, quietly looking at each other. Though she was smiling, the vibe around her was, in a word, melancholic. Maybe Jungeun was the type of person who couldn’t stand being alone?

“Will you be okay without me here?” I said without thinking.

Jungeun laughed, and waved a hand at me dismissively.

“I’ll survive a day without you, you goof. Don’t worry about me, just go and have fun! Though, if we’re being completely honest…I can’t guarantee our stockpile of spicy rice cakes will still be here by the time you get back.”

I giggled and nodded my head, adjusting the bag on my shoulder. I picked up on the vibe that Jungeun didn’t want to talk about her feelings at the moment, likely because I was due to leave any second now. I wouldn’t forget this, though, and decided to ask her more about it when I got back.

“Well… it’s about time I got going!” I said, glancing at the clock on the wall.

Jungeun took my hands into hers, and gave them a big, comforting squeeze. Though her smile had an underlying sadness to it, it was so big and bright that I couldn’t help but smile, too.

“I bet it’s going to be great, Jiwoo. Yves is gonna be totally floored to see you again!”

“I sure hope so…” I anguished. Jungeun squeezed my hands again quickly and reassuringly, before hurrying me towards the door.

“C’mon, you don’t wanna be late!”

And with that, Jungeun ushered me out of the dorm room. Oh, God. This was really happening, wasn’t it?

“Okay, okay… I’m off, for real this time. Wish me luck!”

Jungeun grinned wide, and waved enthusiastically at me from the doorframe.

“Good luck! Not that you’ll need it!”

I waved back, sucked in one last deep breath, and took my first step towards seeing Yves in the flesh… all over again.

Sooyoung… I wonder if she’ll be surprised to see me.

The train station was a ten minute walk – at best – from my uni. I couldn’t stop my animated self from power walking; feeling my bag bumping up against my back with every bouncing step I took.

I didn’t take the train very often, but I knew my way around it well enough where I didn’t need any help, at least. I shuffled over to the ticket machine, bought a day pass, and hopped onto the escalator that took me up to the platform I needed to be on.

“I’m so nervous…!”

The early morning hustle and bustle of a train station was the soundtrack for my escalator ride upward. Salarymen chattering away on their cellphones, people hurrying their way up the steps, gruff construction workers sipping their coffees, all with the backdrop of the bullet trains rip roaringly rolling into the station… even on a weekend, the rat race of life never stopped.

As I let the escalator carry me upward, the announcement system crackled to life with a loud burst of static, and with that came the scratchy sounding voice of the pre-recorded announcer.

“Express line train to Seoul Station pulling into Terminal B, please stay behind the yellow line as the train approaches the terminal… express line train to Seoul Station pulling into Terminal B, please…”

Oh, no! That’s my train!

I started to hustle my way up the steps, as did a good few people around me. My feet pounded frantically against the metal stairs of the escalator below; and with a sudden burst of energy, I made my way to the top of the steps, quickly hopping onto the solid ground of the terminal. Rounding the corner and darting into the nearest open door of the train, I made it into a train car with a few seconds to spare, right before the doors closed with a heavy sliding sound behind me.

“Phew…!” I exhaled with relief, and carefully walked to the back of the train as it started to move, plonking myself into one of the empty seats.

I had made it!

Finally able to be stationary, I felt a negligible amount of tension leave my body. Now, all that was left to do was to try and relax for a little bit…

Seoul was about half an hour away by train. It wasn’t a bad distance, but _just_ long enough of a wait to set me on edge. That meant that I was a mere thirty minutes away from where Yves was at this very moment. Bubbles of anxiety settled in the pit of my stomach, and rose right on up to my throat. Knowing that she was so close was doing a real number on my nerves.

I glanced around the train to try and stop myself from second guessing this whole trip.

People from all different walks of life were dotted around the train – from teenagers excitedly talking to their friends about goofy things they saw online the night before, to tired looking parents with little babies sleeping the day away in their strollers.

There were two girls sat in the double-seats in front of me that looked to be about my age. They were whispering in hushed, excitable tones to one another, smiling giddily and looking at each other with affection in their eyes. It was plain to see that they were a couple… and my suspicions were confirmed when I picked up on a gentle “I love you” being whispered into the taller one’s ear. Her ears were turning red…

I quickly shied my gaze away from the two girls, huffing at the fast-moving scenery out the window instead. It may sound lame, but I felt a faint wash of jealousy in my heart, thanks to these girls I had never so much as talked to before.

I’d never actually dated anyone before – never been kissed, either. I don’t know if that makes me a late bloomer or not; for what it’s worth, I don’t feel like one. I wanted those things at some point, of course. Desperately so. To be swept away by some handsome girl into a whirlwind romance, like something straight out of a love song… that was something I thought about constantly, really; but I wasn’t about to rush into the first opportunity to date somebody that came my way, either. It would happen when it was meant to happen. I believed in that without any doubt.

I felt as though I wasn’t emotionally mature enough – or emotionally available enough, for that matter – to be in a relationship in high school. Obviously, there was a certain _someone_ I would have jumped at the chance to date, but even if Sooyoung and I had gotten together all that time ago, I doubt anything substantial would have come of it. Nobody knows the first thing about romance at that stage in life! We probably would have just fumbled around and fizzled out, if we’re being realistic… so in a twisted way, I’m grateful that never happened.

I may not have any actual experience in the field of dating, but I think I’m definitely emotionally less dense than I was as a younger teenager, so I’d probably fare better by default. Despite that I was rapidly approaching my twenties, I still felt pretty immature in a lot of ways… but no matter how much I wondered about it, I wouldn’t know how I’d genuinely act in a dating capacity until it actually happened to me, and for that, we would have to see what the future had in store for me.

…

I want a girlfriend…

As it turns out, lamenting my lack of a love life made time fly by. My eyes nearly bugged out of my skull with how wide they grew when the automated announcer made her presence known again, announcing that the train I was sat on was about to pull into Seoul Station.

A nervous chill ran up my back all over again. One tinged with excitement, sure, but it was a nervous one all the same.

I’d be seeing Yves in no time flat, now.

We’d be in the same vicinity – Sooyoung would be right in front of my eyes, and then—!

A quick rush of dizziness ran through my body when I stood to leave the train. I shook my head to try and snap myself out of it; I had decided that I wanted to approach Sooyoung confidently, as who I am _today_ , not as the shy schoolgirl with a crush on someone out of her league from all those years ago.

I exited the train car, and left the station in a bit of a daze. Though I was going to do my best not to lose my cool around Sooyoung, I was still so nervous I thought I would faint. Even if I had known her well in the past, she was a celebrity now, and you don’t meet those every day!

Exhaling a shaky breath, I checked the directions on my phone, as if I hadn’t checked them ten thousand times the night before. The fanmeet was being held in a stadium only a few blocks away from Seoul Station. Cross the street, hang a left, and you’ll be able to see the building from there.

I did just that, and sure enough, the stadium was in plain sight once I rounded the corner. It looked like one for sporting events rather than concerts, but it was being held in the lobby of the building, not the field.

The closer I got, the harder my heart began to pound in my chest. I noticed the line of people in front of the stadium – it was was bigger than I was expecting, but not winding around the block or anything like that. Two burly security guards stood in front of the door, letting people in one by one. I hurried along to the end of the line, standing firmly in the place that would be mine.

The entire line was buzzing with a mutual excitement; people chatting to each other about Yves, about the presents they had brought to her, what they were going to say… it was surreal to be stood amongst people who were all brought together by their love for one person – for someone I loved so dearly, on a personal level, at that. Obviously I knew that Sooyoung was famous now, but something about being in this environment really drove that point home to me.

She…truly was a celebrity now.

The line moved at a snails’ pace. They were doing security and ticket checks before letting people into the stadium’s lobby. One after another, the security guards and the person checking for fake tickets let us trickle in. The wait only served to allow my nerves more time to eat me alive, but eventually, it was my turn to be checked.

I took a nervous step forward, clutching my phone so tightly that my knuckles were flushing white. The two brawny security guards stood at either side of the woman checking the tickets didn’t move a muscle as I approached.

“Hello!” I said a bit too loudly, trying to keep my quivering voice on an even keel. I didn’t want to sound as nervous as I felt…

I fumbled around with my phone case, pulling what I needed out from it with shaking fingers. I thrusted my raffle ticket and my student ID in front of me with a slight bow of my head, and the woman sitting there took them out of my hands without a word. She had a stony look on her face as she scrutinized the ticket in particular, squinting, turning it over in her hands, and holding it up to the sunlight more than a few times.

I gnawed at my bottom lip as the silence permeated the air between the two of us. This may be even more nerve wracking than talking to Yves…

Finally, the woman’s face softened as she handed them back to me.

“Thanks for your patience. Have fun in there,” she said, and the two security guards stepped out of the way of the door to let me pass through.

Oh my God.

I quickly thanked the woman, and darted inside of the stadium’s doors.

We’re in!

I audibly exhaled, and had a look around the stadium lobby. There was a small stall set up that was selling boxes full of Yves’ official merchandise; reprints of the special editions of her albums, t-shirts, post cards, even things like pens and pencils with her logo on it. I looked on in a fangirlish awe – I wanted three of everything they were selling! My hand started to reach for my debit card of its own accord…

…But there was something even better here, obviously.

I stopped myself from making any impulse buys, and instead, turned my attention toward the open door with the line of people coming out of it.

That was where she was.

I was stood in this new line before I could even register that my feet were moving me there of their own accord. I stood on my tip-toes, trying to see over the shoulders of the many people in front of me.

And there, at the far end of the room, surrounded by security, helpful staff, people feverishly taking photographs and videos, and a mountain of gifts from adoring fans, sat the woman who had stolen my heart and never given it back.

Ha Sooyoung.

I was close enough to make out the fact that she was smiling, but much too far away to hear what she was saying. My palms and the back of my neck were beginning to sweat unflatteringly, and I could feel the heat coming off of my face in strong waves. I was going to get to talk to her again. After all this time, Sooyoung and I were going to meet again!

“Excuse me, miss…”

My head whipped around to see a tired looking staff member trying to get my attention.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, being surprised out of my train of thought. “Sorry, y-yes…?”

“I’m just here to quickly explain the conditions of the fanmeet, seeing as it will be your turn very soon…”

“ _Wha_ — it will?!”

I glanced past the staffer and in front of me; sure enough, there was two people in front of me, and one at the table, currently talking to Sooyoung.

“Everyone gets two minutes, no more and no less, so when the staff asks you to move along, please do so to ensure everyone gets their turn…” she droned. “That’s all. Please enjoy speaking with Yves…”

“Okay, thank you!”

With that, the staffer moved down the line to tell the person behind me the exact same thing. I gently slapped my face with both of my hands, and did my best to steel my nerves. I refused for my reunion with Sooyoung to open up on me being a starstruck shrinking violet who couldn’t say a single word to her. I wasn’t that girl anymore, and I wanted her to see that from the get-go.

I allowed myself to look at her.

I had been trying to stop myself from staring too much, to avoid psyching myself out… but I was so tantalizingly close now, there was no way I could stop from looking upon her splendour for a second longer.

Sooyoung was as gorgeous and gracious as she was the day we first met. She was trying to talk to a younger girl, but the poor thing was nervousness personified; even from where I stood, I could see her shaking like a leaf, equal parts anxious and thrilled to be so close to her idol. Sooyoung reached over the table she was sat behind to give the girl’s hand a comforting pat, and was speaking softly to her; an honest, gentle smile on her handsome features as she tried to calm the girl down.

She was still so kind…

Gradually, the line moved closer to Sooyoung, and my mind raced more and more by the second. Would she recognize me? Would she even remember who I was? What the hell should I say?! I’d been tormenting myself over the best way to open up the conversation ever since I found out I was coming here, but I still didn’t know what the best approach would be – should I try and be funny? Should I just keep it simple? Maybe I’d just get emotional and cry without meaning to, and all of this would fly out the window—

“It’s your turn, miss. Remember, you get two minutes.”

The hand of the staffer on my shoulder gently urged me to move ahead.

It was time.

I took an awkward step forward, and turned my gaze upward – toward her.

The sounds of the cameras’ shutters had suddenly faded into nothingness. The chatter that permeated the room was no more. Everything around me ceased to exist and drained away into a muddled mess of muted colours, save for _her_.

Ha Sooyoung herself was staring back at me with genuine surprise; she leaned forward, over her table, to get a better look at my face. Our eyes locked properly, then – hers sparkled with recognition, and I felt my own widen in disbelief.

I took a much more confident step forward, and another, until I was stood right in front of Yves’ table.

“… _Jiwoo?_ Kim Jiwoo? That’s you, isn’t it?”

She said my name…!

“Sure is,” I replied with a wide smile. “It’s been a long time, Sooyoung… or, uh, should I call you _Yves_?”

She chuckled and looked at me affectionately, folding her hands in front of herself on the table. That warm look was exactly as I remembered it; full of affection and made my knees want to buckle beneath me.

“An old friend can always call me by my name,” she said, grinning a joyful grin from ear to ear. “You’ve only gotten prettier since I last saw you, Jiwoo. I wasn’t expecting to see anybody I actually knew here!”

I swooned internally; she was just as charming as she always was, too! This was going to be even tougher than I thought.

I cleared my throat.

“Yeah! It’s a happy coincidence, isn’t it? I bought a copy of your album to support you and there happened to be a winning ticket inside, so I thought I’d come say hi!”

“That makes me feel so lucky…” she said softly, just loud enough for me to hear. “Thank you for supporting me, Jiwoo, even if it was from a distance.”

Sooyoung’s smile was a humble one, and her voice was tinged with genuine emotion. My heart melted on the spot.

“Of course,” I said, “I know how hard you must have worked to debut!”

Sooyoung laughed; a laugh that hadn’t changed a bit since the last time I got to hear it.

“How long has it been since we last saw each other, Jiwoo? Three years? Four?”

“Almost four… uh, I think, anyway.” I fumbled, trying to downplay _just_ how much I remembered. “You moved to become a trainee in tenth grade, didn’t you? You’re a real hometown hero now, y’know!”

“That’s right,” she said with a nod. “ _Four_ years… I only ever go home for Chuseok, so I wouldn’t know about what others think of me back home…”

“It was never the same after you left,” I blurted out.

Uh oh.

That felt like too much… but it didn’t seem to rattle Sooyoung at all. She had a far-off look in her eye, then. It was as if she was remembering the last four years in a quick flash before her; almost like she hadn’t had time to think about time itself. She caught my gaze with her own – the quiet intensity that always played beneath the surface of Sooyoung was making itself known in her eyes as she looked at me.

I swallowed nervously.

“Come a little closer for me, Jiwoo.”

My back stiffened. The way she said my name still sent shivers up my spine… and I wasn’t about to say no to something _Sooyoung_ asked of me.

I leaned over the table slightly, and I bit at my bottom lip, worrying she would hear the rapid quickening of my pulse. Sooyoung also leaned over, and cupped her hand to my ear. I heard a small murmur from the people behind me in line, but paid little attention to that, because _Ha Sooyoung_ was whispering to me with that gorgeous voice of hers.

“Can you stay until after this meet is over? I’d love to catch up with you tonight.”

Firstly, I shivered at the sensation of her lips being so close to my ear.

Secondly, I gasped at what it was she actually said.

“For real…?”

“Definitely. We can head somewhere nice and talk, like old times,” she beamed.

“I’ll stay,” I replied a little _too_ quickly, “so just take your time, okay?”

Sooyoung signalled for one of the staffers to come over to her with a flick of her wrist, and she mumbled something to the tired looking woman who answered her call. The woman looked at me and nodded her head before wandering off.

“Okay, the staff know not to bug you now if you hang around for too long,” Sooyoung said. “Now, I don’t want to have to send you away, but...”

I blinked in surprise.

“Is our time up already?”

“I’m afraid so,” Sooyoung said, giving me a sympathetic look. “But I’ll be back with you as soon as this is all wrapped up. Seeing you has really lifted my spirits, Jiwoo. We’ll talk soon, okay?”

“Okay! Enjoy the rest of your meet, Sooyoung. Can’t wait for later.”

I turned away from the table with a grin so wide it made my face ache. The tired woman from before motioned for me to come over, and pressed a paper bracelet with “STAFF” written on it into the palm of my hand.

“Nobody will tell you to leave with one of these,” she explained. “So just keep it on you.”

I nodded my head in understanding, and slipped the bracelet onto my wrist. I thought I had heard a low mumbling from a few people in the line as I walked past, but it may have just been my imagination…

Not that I cared.

I’d wait forever if it meant I got to be back at your side, Sooyoung. Do you have any idea what it is you do to my heart? How it beats only for you, no matter how hard I’ve tried to forget you?

This whole chain of events was too good to be true. I met Sooyoung again, she was _actually_ happy to see me, and I didn’t puke or stand there in a stupor the whole time.

It all felt like an incredible dream, but I knew that this time, I wasn’t about to be interrupted by my stupid alarm clock blaring through a nice moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: first date...!! as always, thank you sososo much for reading!! [follow my gay ass on twitter](https://twitter.com/theyuriunnie) where i act a fool and gush about girl groups, let's be friends! ♥


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY Y'ALL it's ya girl, back again with another update. i hope everyone's having a bomb 2020 so far! i'm so hype to finally have these two interacting and being GAY HHHHH i hope you enjoy it as much as i loved writing it! lemme know what you thought!

Lost in a daze, I walked myself to the back of the room the fanmeet was being held in.

There were a few spare chairs carelessly tossed there, so I unfolded one and plonked myself onto the seat. My head lulled back of its own accord; my mind was swimming with a million and one different thoughts. I hadn’t stopped seeing stars since I finished my two-minute meet with Sooyoung, and there were no signs of me coming down from the cloud of elation I was happily perched on.

To say that it had gone infinitely better than I had let myself imagine it would was a heck of an understatement. It’s not that I expected so little of _Sooyoung_ , but of the industry she found herself in; after all, idols were famously kept on an insanely tight leash. Given that they were forced to look and act a certain way in public, so much as a toe out of line was enough to torpedo someone’s entire career. To give somebody your time and energy in that line of work was a big deal, so I really wasn’t expecting anything personal to come of it.

I’m still going to let fate chart this course for me in the end, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to do my best to rekindle the friendship we once had with every opportunity granted to me. Even if nothing _more_ ever came of it, losing Sooyoung’s presence in my life all those years ago was a wound I was _still_ working on healing.

I didn’t want to let someone that incredible slip through my fingers a second time. Not again.

Now that the ice had been re-broken, I didn’t shy away from staring at her. My eyes were delighted, seeing Sooyoung in her natural habitat like this; laughing and being friendly with people who were so excited to see her, and expertly handling those who were too nervous to speak or even outright crying with such grace… she truly was born to do this.

Sooyoung would steal small glances at me between people’s meetings with her, and my heart fluttered with each look. As one fan would wander away from the table in a stupor, the next would step up; and then, our eyes would meet. She’d offer me excitable smiles and knowing looks from across the room, and I offered them right back, flourishing under the blessing of her attention.

We carried on like that for the rest of her fanmeet, until finally, the last person had their turn to speak with her. The staff hurried over to her side, microphone in hand, and whispered a few discreet words to her. Sooyoung gave a small nod of understanding, and stood with the microphone in her hands.

“Well, everyone… I’m afraid this marks the end of my very first fanmeet,” she began. The people in the crowd whined in unison, and Sooyoung laughed brightly at their playful indignation.

“I know, I don’t want it to be over either! I think we can call this one a success, don’t you?”

The crowd began to clap and cheer with an infectious enthusiasm, and Sooyoung clapped along with them.

“I’d like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for supporting me, and coming all this way just to talk to me…”

As she said those words, her eyes scanned the crowd, and stopped in their tracks when she had found mine once more.

I inhaled softly at the sudden eye contact. It was going to be tough to re-adjust to being around her without losing my cool.

“…But I have a funny feeling this won’t be the last time I see more than a few of you! Let’s cross paths again at the next fanmeet, too. Thank you very much, everyone!”

Sooyoung bowed with a deep gratitude, and there was another round of applause and joyful cheers from Yves’ fans. With that, the staff began to direct the crowd of people to the exit, and they filed out one by one as Sooyoung waved earnestly to them.

Finally, all that remained was the staff, Sooyoung, and me. She tapped the mic in her hands once with a finger, and began to speak into it once more.

“Good work today, everyone! I appreciate all of the hard work and effort you put in to making this meet a success. Thank you.”

There was a humble round of applause from the staffers around the room before they went back to their business. Finally, she set the mic down on her table, and began to take swift steps towards me.

Towards me!

“ _Jiwoo_. It really _is_ wonderful to see you again.”

She wrapped her arms around me then, and I heard myself let out a small noise of surprise as she gave me a hug. It was a motion that felt so _sincere_ ; the way she squeezed her arms a little tighter around me out of sheer happiness made my heart rate skyrocket.

I hugged her right back, pulling her as close as me as I could without pushing any boundaries. Her body was warm against my own, and she smelled ever so slightly of lavender… it was a nostalgic scent that took me back to those bliss filled days of teenagedom, spent with Sooyoung at my side.

“It’s been so long, Sooyoung…”

She gently broke away from our embrace, but her hand lingered on my arm. Seeing her smile so up close was absolutely radiant; something even the most high-quality photos could never properly capture.

“Too long,” she agreed. “I’m just going to get changed, and then I’ll be all yours for as long as you can stay. Come along if you want.”

All mine, huh… how does forever sound?

“Okay!” I said in a stark contrast to my thoughts. “I don’t have any other grand plans for the day, so…”

“Then you won’t mind if I keep you for a bit, hm?”

Sooyoung began to walk, and motioned for me to follow her with a wave of her hand. Her black hair swayed so beautifully in time with each step she took… what I wouldn’t give to be able to gently run my fingers through it.

We stepped into a small room off to the right of where the fanmeet was in; it was a sterile white room with a few benches and rows of lockers, and a chilly draft wafting through it. Sooyoung stood in front of one of the lockers, and fiddled with the combination on the lock until it removed itself with a tiny metallic clink.

She fished some clothes out from inside of it, and tossed them onto the bench with a relieved sigh.

“Aah…” she exhaled with relief. “It feels so nice to let my hair down.”

“You must be awfully tired, talking to so many people one after another like that,” I said. I was in awe of Sooyoung’s abilities; I was as social as anybody else, but we all have our limits. I know I’d be _beyond_ bushed by the end of a day where I had to talk to seventy something people…

“It _is_ tough, but I feel very blessed. All those fans took time out of their day to see me, of all people…”

She began to unbutton her top, so I clasped my hands behind my back and hastily averted my eyes as she went through the motions of changing clothes. The tips of my ears were burning... how embarrassing.

“You’re incredible, Sooyoung. You always have been. Who wouldn’t want to come see you?”

I could feel her eyes resting on me, and the smile that came with such a bright gaze pierced its way right through my being.

“And _you’ve_ always had a habit of saying the sweetest things,” Sooyoung said with a small chuckle, brushing her hands along the sleeves of her top to smooth out the wrinkles in it. I couldn’t help but blush a little. “Do you want to go somewhere to eat with me? I’m starving, and I want to talk to you properly.”

“Oh! I’d love that!”

“Then it’s a date,” she laughed. “What kind of food are you in the mood for?”

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear with trembling fingers, privately trying not to hopelessly fluster at her calling it a date so casually.

“ _Good_ food… anything’s fine, really. Anything but spicy rice cakes. I’ve been eating them by the bucket full lately, because my roommate bought six bags full from the supermarket.”

“Roommate?” she asked with an intrigued expression, turning to look at me as she tied her hair in a high ponytail. “Are you in college now, then?”

“Yeah! I go to Yyxy university, for photography. It’s a great time, and my roommate is super chill… except when rice cakes are involved, apparently.”

“Photography!” Sooyoung exclaimed, looking enthusiastically in my direction. “That’s incredible, Jiwoo. You always had a good eye for framing a shot… and you took the best selfies out of everyone in school, too. I bet you smash your assignments out of the park.”

I giggled a bit at the unexpected praise.

“Oh, you! You’re gonna make me blush.”

“Excellent.”

Sooyoung slipped on a smart-looking black waistcoat, and quickly threw a flu mask onto the lower half of her face.

“Looking inconspicuous,” I said, giving a cheerful thumbs up. Sooyoung gave one right back, and walked over to my side, the heels of her boots echoing pointedly off the walls of the empty locker room. She hooked her arm through mine, and I could have fallen over right then and there.

“Would you recognize me if I walked past you on the street like this?” She asked, pointing to her plain mask.

I hummed contemplatively, giving it a serious think for a second. It gave me an excuse to stare shamelessly at Sooyoung’s features; her dark eyes peeked out from atop the mask, and the piece of fabric hugged at her chin in a way that was surprisingly flattering. Who in the world looks _this_ handsome while trying to pretend that they’re sick?!

“Well… I _probably_ would. But only because we hung around each other so much during school,” I laughed.

Sure, that’s the only reason. It’s not because I dream about her gorgeous face 24/7 or anything like that.

“Oh, Jiwoo…” Sooyoung laughed alongside me, and started us on the trek outside, arm in arm.

“O-Oh…!”

My private flustering aside, we slipped out a staff door at the back of the stadium, and blended perfectly into the never ending swarm of people scrambling along Seoul’s sidewalks.

“So…” Sooyoung began, and huddled a little closer to me, just like we were teenagers all over again. “There’s this place nearby that makes a mean bibimbap. I used to go there all the time as a trainee.”

“Ooh, that sounds great. A nice bowl of bibimbap would really hit the spot...”

I put my free hand on my stomach, fighting back the primal urge to drool at the thought of hot food. My stomach picked up the slack for me, and gurgled loud enough that some guy walking next to us glanced over at me in concern. Sooyoung chuckled at how vocal my tummy was being; even with the flu mask on, I could see that she had a big smile on her face from the way her eyes shone. A gaze so full of happiness… if this was a dream, I don’t want to be woken up.

“You can eat as much as you want once we get there.”

“Don’t worry, I plan on it!” I declared, before thinking over her choice of words for a moment. I shot Sooyoung an accusing look. “ _Hold on_ … sounds like _somebody’s_ angling to pay for this meal.”

Sooyoung blinked in surprise from behind her mask.

“Am I not allowed to?”

“No way! Just because you’re an idol now doesn’t mean I’m going to freeload off of your kindness. I can foot my own bill, at least.”

“Why can’t it be my treat?” Sooyoung asked earnestly. “I can afford it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She had a genuine expression of confusion on her face. It was so cute, I didn’t even want to challenge what she was saying… but I _also_ didn’t want Sooyoung to think I was hanging around her for her money, either. This was classic Sooyoung behaviour; she was so naturally charming and kind, that she could be a little dense when it came to more sensitive matters.

I shook my head vigorously, my bangs bouncing against my forehead with the motion.

“Nuh-uh. I can pay.”

“It’d make me happy if you let me pay, though… I want to treat my friend.”

I felt the arrow fly straight through my heart with that one. The slight undertone of a pout that tinged Sooyoung’s words… this was torture in the best way.

“Nooo,” I protested, “you’re not allowed to be so kind!”

“Well, we can continue this debate once we get inside. We’re here, now.”

I hadn’t even noticed that we had slowed our walking to a gradual stop. I looked up at the restaurant in front of me; it was a quaint place, a small oasis tucked in the middle of rows of skyscrapers filled to the brim with boring offices. 

I squinted upon seeing the name of the place.

“Good Tteokbokki Restaurant? Sooyoung, you betrayed me. I said anything but spicy rice cakes!”

“They make more than just tteokbokki!” Sooyoung protested with a laugh. I grinned right back, and walked into the restaurant alongside her with a spring in my step.

It was all but empty inside, which suited us both fine; other than Sooyoung and I, the only other signs of life inside were, surprisingly, the young couple I saw on the train earlier. They were so wrapped up in each other, though, that I doubt they’d give us a second glance.

The faint pang of jealousy from before scratched tauntingly at the back of my mind, but I decided to bury it as best as I could for now. There was no sense in squandering enjoying such a rare opportunity with Sooyoung over some petty feelings.

Sooyoung and I gravitated towards a table that was far away from the other patrons, and settled into the seats. I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the back of my chair, and Sooyoung followed suit. I folded my hands in front of me, and coyly stole a glance at Sooyoung as she settled in. She pulled her flu mask downward so it hung loosely below her chin, exposing her undoubtedly soft, full lips, and plucked her gloves off finger by finger, stuffing them into her jacket pockets.

She had tied her hair up before we left, but a few renegade strands still hung over her forehead, moving so slightly with every one of her movements that I wondered if my eyes were playing tricks on me. Her dark eyes were cast downward at her phone, briefly checking to see if she had any messages before putting the device back in her jacket alongside her gloves.

Those gorgeous eyes… how I wanted them to look only at me.

Someone up there must have heard my silent prayer, because Sooyoung suddenly turned her eyes on me, privately startling me. I straightened out my back and met her gaze.

“You used to come here as a trainee a lot, then?” I asked with a calmness that surprised even myself.

Sooyoung nodded her head, looking around the restaurant with an air of nostalgia about her.

“I did!” she replied brightly. “One of the branches of my label’s HQ is quite close to here, so I’d come here a lot to relax once practice was done for the day… it was a nice reprieve from how busy things could get.”

“It must have been tough. Your trainee days, I mean.”

“They were,” she agreed, almost solemnly. “They work you to the bone, and then some. I mean, everyone around you is in the same boat, so there’s an immediate solidarity there in at least some way…but it’s hard to make friends when everyone your age is just as busy and wiped out as you are.”

I felt my eyebrows knit together in worry as the themes of Sooyoung’s album came back to me in a flash.

Isolation and loneliness… just what had she been through?

The flame of curiosity flickered in my heart, refusing to be extinguished, about one thing in particular when it came to that album. Just who _was_ it that had broken her heart? Was it a label mate, maybe someone on staff there, or someone entirely unrelated? My curiosity was piqued, but really…I knew it was best that I stayed out of the know for now.

The waitress came around to take our orders, and I zoned out a bit as Sooyoung decided on what to have. I so desperately wanted to reach out and hold Sooyoung’s hand, to stroke it softly and tell her that she didn’t have to worry about loneliness anymore, that I was here now… but that would have been a bit much for our first day talking again, I think.

I placed my own order, and once the waitress wandered off, I decided to switch the gears of conversation to a more pleasant topic.

Time to restrain just how much of a fan I really was once again.

“Can I just say that I really loved your album? Like, legitimately? I listen to it all the time while I’m doing schoolwork,” I grinned. Sooyoung seemed to perk up from hearing that, and she rested her chin on her hand with a smile.

“Aww… thanks, Jiwoo. There’s something a little embarrassing about knowing you’ve listened to the lyrics I wrote… but I do appreciate the praise,” she laughed.

Was that a faint blush on her cheeks? Nah, there was no way it could have been.

“They’re beautiful,” I blurted out, “your lyrics, that is. You’re super talented!”

Despite my embarrassment at my own lack of a filter, Sooyoung looked happy at my declaration. She took a sip of her drink, but I could see her smiling from behind her glass.

Success!

I leaned forward in my seat somewhat, feeling a bit more confident. Sooyoung set her glass back down, and her shy smile was plainly on her face for me to enjoy.

“You’re too kind to me… you’ll make _my_ cheeks red if you’re not careful!” Sooyoung laughed. “But enough about me; why don’t you tell me about how you’ve been? How is everything back home?”

Sooyoung had mentioned that she only goes home for Chuseok, and even then, sounded as though she didn’t stop to visit other people. Not that I blamed her… I could only begin to imagine just how busy she was kept as a popular idol.

“You haven’t missed much,” I said, tapping at my chin in thought. “Let’s see here… Chaewon and Hyejoo go to the same school as I do, so I see ‘em around quite a lot. Vivi is going to college on the other side of town, but she still works at her parents’ roller rink part-time…”

“The _roller rink_!” Sooyoung exclaimed, lightly clapping her hands in front of herself. “Oh, I haven’t thought about that place in ages. I’d love to go with you again.”

“You always were a demon once you got your skates on,” I joked through the blush creeping up on my cheeks. She and I used to skate together quite often after school. Some of my fondest memories with Sooyoung were at that rink… a lot of them involved me strategically pretending I had forgotten how to skate and hoping Sooyoung would help me up.

She always did.

“Maybe when we both have some spare time, we could pop down there and have a bit of a roll around. For old times’ sake, of course,” Sooyoung said with a twinkle in her eye.

“Not just because you love and miss skating?”

“That too,” she laughed. “There are no rinks in the big city! What’s a girl to do?”

Suddenly, the waitress waltzed up to our table once more, expertly balancing two burning hot plates of food on either hand. I was always privately in awe of girls who could do that so flawlessly; I’m not exactly clumsy, but I can’t do that, either. Sooyoung and I thanked the lady, and she left us to our own devices once more.

“Ah, I don’t think I realised how hungry I was. I feel like I’m going to pass out,” Sooyoung said, speedily snapping her chopsticks apart.

“I hear you. My stomach’s going to scream at me again if I don’t eat this quick,” I said, resisting the overwhelming urge to lick my lips while staring at the steamy bowl of bibimbap in front of me.

“Try not to eat it _too_ quickly,” she said. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can, Jiwoo.”

A thin strip of beef I had tugged from my bowl of food slid its way back into it as my chopsticks faltered in my grip - that sudden declaration from Sooyoung was echoing its way through my head again and again.

She wants to spend time with _me_?

As much as _possible_?!

Aah, this day just gets better and better!

I giggled to try and cover up my obvious excitement, and daintily plucked a pinch of rice from my bibimbap. I held it up to show Sooyoung the small portion with a goofy grin.

“Only the tiniest bites from me, in that case!”

Sooyoung tried not to chuckle through a mouth full of food, and opted to give me a hearty thumbs up instead.

We ate our bowls of bibimbap, chatting between bites about whatever we felt like. How my family was doing, if her little Shih Tzu was still as rambunctious as ever, what we had both been reading lately, old schooltime memories…

I could feel myself positively _radiating_ happiness for the duration of the meal; despite my dorky flustering around Sooyoung still being here all these years later, we talked to each other as easily as we always had. Our dynamic hadn’t changed at all since we last spoke, and for that, I was endlessly grateful. It was if time froze, and decided to resume as usual the moment we were able to cross paths again.

Ha Sooyoung… fame truly hadn’t changed her a bit. She was the same kind, gentle woman she always had been. The way her entire face lit up when she talked about her dog, the way she hung onto my every word with the quiet intensity she always had… for better or worse, my crush was back in full force; though “back” implies it ever left.

Long after we had finished our delicious food, as well as a small order of dessert, we were on our third round of drink refills and continuing to chat the day away. The restaurant’s small clientele had thinned out even further, leaving only Sooyoung and I.

“How long have we been here?” I mumbled, looking around the now empty dining area. Sooyoung fished her phone out of her pocket, flicking it on to check the time. Her eyebrows raised as she turned the screen towards me to show me the time: it was almost six in the evening!

I found my own eyes widening, blinking in surprise.

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” Sooyoung shrugged. “I didn’t realise it was quite so late, though…”

“Ack, I told my roommate I’d be home by four!” I wailed, picturing the tizzy Jungeun was likely getting herself into. “Lemme just shoot her a text real quick, so she doesn’t think I died on the way here or something…”

“No worries, just do what you have to do.”

As Sooyoung went to put her phone back, it began to ring unexpectedly; a tinny jingle blared through the empty restaurant, and even the usually composed Sooyoung nearly dropped the phone out of her hands at the sudden racket.

When she glanced at the screen to see who was calling, I could have sworn I saw a flash of irritation on her face…

“Sorry, I’ll just be a second. Pardon me…”

I waved my hand at her, signalling for her to not worry.

“Like you said, do what you have to do. It’s okay!”

Sooyoung looked apologetically at me before turning in her chair, so I got a profile view of her as she brought the phone up to her ear. I lowered my head to begin typing up a text to send to Jungeun, but my ears couldn’t help but prick up when I heard her begin to speak.

“Yeah? Is something wrong?”

She had a professional air about her, so I assumed it was someone she worked with. But all the same, I could hear an unfamiliar tone lacing her voice. There was an underlying stiffness to her words, like she’d rather be doing anything else but speaking to whoever called.

“I asked you not to call me unless it’s an emergency,” she said coolly into the receiver.

There was a pause as whoever was on the other end said their piece, and my eyes briefly scanned over the multiple texts I had gotten from Jungeun in the silence, trying to get a hold of me to make sure I was still in one piece.

Sooyoung continued to bristle as the person on the phone prattled on. She reacted with her face, scowling in frustration, furrowing her brow, and steadily looking more drained as the seconds ticked by.

“…I’m out right now… that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t _concern_ you. _Stop_. Let’s talk later, please.”

With a rising sense of concern with every word Sooyoung said to the mystery person, I hit the send button on the texts I whipped up for Jungeun.

_JUNGEUN (5:30): Jiwoo are you doing okay? You’re running kind of late_

_JUNGEUN (5:37): Just let me know when you get these_

_JUNGEUN (5:45): Jiwooooooo_

_JUNGEUN (5:45): Did you die_

_JUNGEUN (5:45): Pls_

_JIWOO (5:49): Hey! super sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner omg but I started hanging out with sooyoung and it’s going suuuper well keke_

_JIWOO (5:49): i’ll be home soonish… probably_

_JIWOO (5:49): sorry for the late reply xOx i’ll be back home soon tho! love you_

“…Fine. Bye.”

I locked my phone and looked up to see Sooyoung give the phone a curt flick of her thumb, hanging up without a word more to the mystery person. I heard her audibly exhale as she put her phone away properly this time, looking… downtrodden. As if she had been ground down to such a degree during those few tense moments, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into a corner and sleep.

In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her in such a bad way.

“You doing okay there, Sooyoung?”

The Sooyoung who was laughing and smiling at my every word was suddenly a thing of the past. She heaved a sigh and ran a tired hand through her hair, and her shoulders slumped in a dejected manner with the action. She was the very picture of fatigue, and the sight of her in such a state immediately made alarm bells sound in my head.

Who in the world was that on the other end of the phone? To reduce Sooyoung to such a state with a simple conversation… they weren’t heckling her on a regular basis, were they? Making her life hell?

I forcibly blinked my eyes to quell the flame of anger I felt stoking in my heart for the time being. It wasn’t my place to pry, but I wanted to do nothing more than to roundhouse kick whoever was giving her a bad time with extreme prejudice.

“…I’m really, _really_ sorry, Jiwoo. That was… someone I work with. She’s insisting I leave right now, but I can’t tell you how much I don’t want to go.”

I hesitated before answering, the meaning of her words gradually sinking in. Did this mean we were going to go our separate ways again, and so suddenly, at that?

My heart was filled with a sudden melancholy; I felt so over the moon today that I thought this good mood would be downright impenetrable, and yet, inky droplets of sadness had begun to trickle their way back in through the cracks.

Realising that I was getting lost in my own head and keeping Sooyoung hanging, I pretended to clear my throat and gave a brief nod.

“O-oh, right… I totally understand! There’s not much you can do about it if it’s work related stuff, right? Don’t worry!”

Sooyoung brought her hand out from under the table, then, and rested it atop my own with a gentle touch. She smiled at me, and the sight made my breath hitch in my throat with how strikingly beautiful she was. While the stress of the matter had settled in her eyes and in her posture, the bright smile on her face negated all of that.

It was a smile meant just for me. I was sure of it.

“I want to see you again,” Sooyoung followed up quickly. “It’s been… really pleasant talking to you again, Jiwoo. I missed being around you.”

Only Yves could make my mood flit from depressed, to enraged on her behalf, to smitten so rapidly.

“Can I get your number, Sooyoung?”

The words flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to think them over.

As soon as the last syllable was said, I wanted to crawl under the table and never come out from the sheer embarrassment of it all. I had never asked a girl for her number before, let alone a _famous_ girl!

Though it was only a moment or two, the wait to hear her reply was one of the most brutal things I’ve ever endured. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as I watched her turn her eyes downward demurely, and her happy smile grow a little wider.

“I was just about to ask for yours,” Sooyoung finally chuckled. “Let’s exchange them, shall we?”

Aah, how I wish I had given her the opportunity to do that now…!

Once my kneejerk reaction of lamenting the loss of Sooyoung asking me for my number passed, I felt pleased as punch that I had taken that plunge. The girl I was in high school wouldn’t have dared to do something so spontaneously!

Wait. Is this what growth felt like?

Sooyoung read her number aloud to me, and I punched it in as my heart steadily began to pound harder. This felt like something that would happen while I let my mind wander during class, and yet, this was my reality.

Though I still had the fury of knowing that someone was bothering Sooyoung stomping its way around my head, I was elated that this was happening at all.

What in the world will happen next, I wonder?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [follow my gay ass on twitter](https://twitter.com/theyuriunnie) where i act a fool and gush about girl groups! i wanna make more orbit friends~ ;_; as always, thanks so much for reading, i really hope you enjoyed it!! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> [follow my gay ass on twitter](https://twitter.com/theyuriunnie) where i act a fool and gush about girl groups, let's be friends! thanks so much for reading, i really hope you enjoyed it!! ♥


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